Character Sketch

Why is it that I always write on this thing when I have something more important to be doing? I suppose it's because I avoid spilling my thoughts until it's absolutely necessary. It's too much work and too much to deal with to crack open the week's stress and reflections. I'm generally far too lazy for that and I avoid it at all cost. Unless, of course, I'm avoiding doing the only thing I tend to avoid more- school related assignments. You see, right now I should be writing a character sketch for Once Upon a Mattress. Don't get me wrong- I'm really excited, and I'm all over doing it, but something's been nagging at me since I sat down to write it.
I love the classic story of the princess and the pea, and I've been obsessed with it ever since I was cast as the princess in a modern musical adaptation. But somehow, it seems a little disheartening. Not only does the princess only meet her prince because she's devastatingly lost in a storm, but she also has to deal with his crazy mother who insists that she prove herself before she can marry the man she loves. See apparently prince whats-his-name had been waiting on the right girl for years, but when she finally shows up at his castle (without any effort on his part I might add) he is forbidden to marry her until she passes a test. A test that is completely impossible. I mean his crazy mother places one pea under twenty hugely stuffed downy mattresses. Now we arrive at the most fantastical part- she feels the pea! She feels the pea and earns her right to marry the prince.
A sweet story.
But there are a few things that make me feel a little discouraged. For starters, this girl shows up one night out of the blue and BOOM. Her and the prince are head over heels. And to go further, she has to prove herself to marry him. I mean he couldn't just stand up to his mother and be like "Look, lady, you're insane. I'm what, 24 now? I mean I can legally buy alcohol and vote and I like this girl so enough with it already." I mean that sucks. I dunno that I'd want to marry a guy that made me pass a test to marry him. I'd feel a little better about this story if it'd happened the other way.
The point I'm getting to here is that we all hope for something. We all hope that we're going to meet the perfect partner, and that that person is going to push everything aside for us. We expect, in the age in which we live, that we're going to meet stand-up people that meet our needs and listen and come home that extra hour early just because we asked them to. But, it doesn't happen that way. We're all guilty of it. If at all possible, we bend to the wills of everyone in our lives, not just that special someone's. Even putting our own needs before theirs. If we were the prince in the princess and the pea we'd say "look, babe, I really like you. I do. I want this to work out, but she's my mother. so just do this little test for me, okay? you're a princess it shouldn't be a problem." I mean everything in life doesn't work out romantic-comedy style. Actually, few things do. So maybe it would just make me feel a little better if at least in the fairytales I read, things did.

I don't sleep...

I have an extremely odd sense of humor. It's not completely bizarre, but it's not a sugary batch of knock knock jokes either. I find that the people that make me laugh hardest don't just agree with my sense of humor, but have a sense of humor that is out of my comfort zone. It's extremely witty. I have to think to get the jokes (imagine that, thinking?!). Most importantly, I really really appreciate comedy that is completely out there, and original to the person that creates it.
That being said.
I find it completely necessary to share with you the Natalie Portman Rap.
I was talking with Ashley Hayes about how this is kind of the test of "I will definitely like your sense of humor if you find this funny."
This is an SNL classic, and Portman is hysterical.
I also love her in Garden State, and V for Vendetta. In my opinion, two of the top 100 movies of the past decade.


Explicitly hilarious.
I never fail to laugh at this.
Goooodnightttt.

P.S.
Anyone know where I can buy darts in winston salem?

blue lips, blue veins, blue- the color of our planet from far, far away.

It is 1:15 and I just finished a major English assignment. Procrastination.
We had an essay prompt in English this week, a satire, about upper class English society in 1712. The people that scored the highest on the essay pointed out how absolutely mundane the writer made his character sound. How pathetic he was. How even his dreams were extremely bland.

We spend our lives chasing things. Chasing love. Chasing a "better" life. Chasing standards.

And for...?

We chase love and we end up driving hours only to stand outside the apartment of the person we're desperate for, pounding on the door in the freezing cold. In the ideal world- the one we're chasing so hard after- the person opens the door and we fall, dizzy and droopy-eyed into the their arms and their good graces. But in the real, cold world we stand outside that apartment. Our fist heavy and hurting from pounding on the door and our heart sore from pounding its own beat out even harder.

And why?

Because someone told us when we were little to grow up, get married, and have nice things. So we chase. and we chase. and we close our eyes to sleep at night hoping that our dreams will bring us a few miles closer to that finish line.

And if we don't wake?

What if our prayers are the last we ever say? What if we never pray at all that night? And if we don't believe in God, what if we don't answer that last text message?
A really sweet boy at my school died two nights ago in his sleep. Just like that. A few moments and he was taken from everyone that loved him.
So I have to ask myself when horrible, horrible things like this happen,
do I really want to spend every waking moment chasing a mundane life that I think someone once told me I wanted, but I can't remember because it was so long ago, and who can really have ideals when they're a child and
ANYWAY
what if my last moments are spent doing an MWDS at 1:00 in the morning?
sometimes I know that it's idealistic to think like this. I know that I can't base life on what ifs.
So I deal.
and I take what I'm dealt.
and I play my cards and hope no one laughs at the cliche and slight Lady Gaga reference I'm writing right now.
'cause that's all I've got.
Now if only I could bring myself to annotate.

subject to change.

I want to preface this with a quote.

"I don't get people that blog. I just don't understand it."

Someone said this to me the other day. He was talking about how self absorbed and pretentious a lot of people tend to get when they blog, and I agree. So I'm going to start this off by saying if you're looking for that giddy feeling you get when you read blogs like you're sneaking a peek at someone's diary- you're in the wrong place. I'm going to be mostly rambling and linking to random and obscure music and other things. I will keep the self absorption to a minimum.

That being said.

It's 12:00 and I'm supposed to be doing a poetry response. I can't get around to it, and I'm thinking of how much more promising the prospect of writing an essay on a poem would be if I were responding to poetry that I actually enjoyed. I constantly listen to both Andrea Gibson and Glenis Redmond in my car. They both are excellent in the way they form words to create not only art, but a message. I keep running across friends that have never heard of Gibson and subsequently forcing them to listen to "Dive". I told Haley Walter that if everyone listened to it just once, the world would be a better place. Maybe this is idealistic. Maybe it is dramatic. Maybe it is both. I digress. Either way, the way Gibson crafts her words will really work its way into your ribcage and pull at your heartstrings. So please enjoy; I'll link you up and you can hear some incredible lyric action while I'm writing about blackberries in the wilderness or whatever Hargrave has decided would be best this week.



also, check out Glenis Redmond if you're looking for something with a little more soul.