I should probably just get a tumblr.

(but I don't wanna)

RILO KILEY

Some of the best music I've heard in a long, long, long, long, long, long time.
Go listen to them, now!

Merry Christmas

"Again the Ghost sped on, above the black and heaving sea -- on, on -- until, being far away, as he told Scrooge, from any shore, they lighted on a ship. They stood beside the helmsman at the wheel, the look-out in the bow, the officers who had the watch; dark, ghostly figures in their several stations; but every man among them hummed a Christmas tune, or had a Christmas thought, or spoke below his breath to his companion of some bygone Christmas Day, with homeward hopes belonging to it. And every man on board, waking or sleeping, good or bad, had had a kinder word for another on that day than on any day in the year; and had shared to some extent in its festivities; and had remembered those he cared for at a distance, and had known that they delighted to remember him."
-Charles Dickes, A Christmas Carol

I want another tattoo.

...but not this one.

traveling traveling traveling

I want to be strong; I want to laugh along.
I want to belong to the living.
Alive, alive, I want to get up and jive-
I want to wreck my stockings in some juke box dive.
Do you want, do you want, do you want
To dance with me?

and this

I mean, sheesh.
The acting is just really REALLY good. And the characters are so well developed throughout the show. I think maybe I just like it this much because it's almost 7am and I haven't slept.

But the fact that it's excellent is probably at least part of it.

man, or the opposite.

There was some really, really creative and brilliant work on the L word in its earlier days. I mean, she KILLED that.

yeah, well.

Art History 2011: A
Style & Form,Theatre: A
"The Souls of Black Folk": A
Effective Study Skills: A
Ballet 1.5: B-

Yes, I got a B- in BALLET.
Not half bad for mostly not going, though.

It's still Dean's List worthy.

It had to be.

Do you feel a certain sense of synergy between yourself and me?
A kind of macabre and somber,
wonder twin type of harmony.

I went into Borders today meaning to buy one book and left with, you know, all these.

I'm really excited about them, though.

From top to bottom;

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
The Disappointment Artist by Jonathan Lethem
Nine Stories by JD Salinger (I FINALLY GOT IT YEAHYEAHYEAH)
The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem
A Lover's Discourse: Fragments by Roland Barthes
Changing my Mind (Occasional Essays) by Zadie Smith

SO MANY BOOKS.

I hate titling blogs.

Things I want for christmas but haven't actually asked for;


This book has eluded me for months and I'm dying to read it.


This tattoo. Instead of a paper airplane, though, I want an actual airplane and an amelia earhart quote.


The "A Year in Yes" calendar.

something.

I feel busy and like I'm doing lots of things but not really doing anything at all.
I hate not having direction, motivation, inspiration.
I'm happy but I'm not content.
I just need to DO something.

"By day I am tough,
I am stubborn and rough,
but by night I'm as smooth as an eggshell.
This skin has been fixed-
it's all drywall and bricks,
but inside I'm as weak as an eggshell."

Told my girl we had to break up.
Thought that she would call my bluff.
But she said, to my surprise, "Big girls don't cry."

Because I'm literate.

Books I own/have borrowed that I haven't read/finished, but would like to;

-Let the Great World Spin by Colum Mcann
-Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
-To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
-Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates
-Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws by Kate Bornstein
-All the Pretty Horses by Cormac Mccarthy
-Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk


Books I own/have borrowed that I'd like to re-read;

-House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski
-Only Revolutions by Mark Z. Danielewski
(though it seems unlikely that I'll actually re-read these two since they both took me SO LONG to read the first time)
-The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
-Life of Pi by Yann Martel
-Atonement by Ian Mcewan


Books I want to read;

-The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
-Nine Stories by JD Salinger
-The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
-The Fifty Year Sword by Mark Z. Danielewski


Books I should be reading, but am not;
-The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. Dubois
-On Course by Skip Downing
-Angels in America by Tony Kushner (which is a play, but whatever).

I. love. this.

I think I forgot something over the ocean and I let something blow away on the breeze.
But the place that's the farthest, well that's where my heart is,
and I'm waiting for someone to find it and send it to me.

Here we go.

answers

would be nice I guess.

But I suppose I'm just not really invested either way.

Florida?

hey, I mean, I'm not that cool and I really don't have any swagger so, uh.
come and get it if ya want it if ya know what I mean.
I don't so I sure hope you do.
Replacing you with ya has really no effect but I do it anyway.

so, uh, yeah, uh.
this is pretty much how conversation with me goes 90 percent of the time.

so, uhm, that didn't have much of a point but Spencer's in town this weekend,
so that's nice.

I had to edit this because I had typed "nice times". Which sounds completely moronic.
Although, I used to say "good times" all the time.
In fact, if you want to know some trivia about me I usually say "good times" about something when I feel a little awkward and don't really know what to say.
Also, I've become increasingly more and more quiet since I came to college. Is increasingly more and more even the correct way to word that?

I talked to one of my professors about my life choices for half an hour today while I was waiting to audition for something.
It was nice, he's a cool guy.
I guess he's one of those real, live teachers that you hear about in high school but don't actually have.
(wellokaythat'salieIhadacouple)

So, you know, hollaatchagirl.

remember remember, something that actually fucking matters.

if-i-see-one-more-v-for-vendetta-guy-fawkes-themed-status-im-going-to-kick-everyone-on-facebook-in-the-eyeballs-i-mean-the-real-story-isn't-half-as-exciting-and-doesn't-even-involve-natalie-portman-with-a-shaved-head-i-mean-comeoooonnnnnnnnnn
grumblegrumblegrumble

Why I'm a nerd.

"When dementors try to ice me, I step right up and own 'em,
I crack a butter beer and say "Expecto Patronum"."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tU5K_ZDnYyM

so fuckin' special.

It's only because.

Sincerity is a virtue.

You can't constantly mock everyone that cares about you, then act like you've never done someone an injustice.

You can't blow up over one misunderstanding at people that care about you more than you understand.

You shouldn't call your good friends assholes in a place where everyone can see it, but they'll still love you anyway.

Don't leave someone a voice mail mocking them, with all their friends laughing in the background.
It's hilarious at the moment, but it isn't kind. No one wants to get one of those.
It doesn't make anyone feel good about themselves.

If you can't let the small things go, like a change in dinner plans for whatever reason,
how will you ever let go of the big things?

Take me in.

slow your roll.

ahhh
Big day tomorrow
busy day tomorrow
eat thai food?
watch Lost and Delirious?
okay, go!

I am watching your chest rise and fall,
like the tides of my life and the rest of it all.
And your bones have been my bed frame,
and your flesh has been my pillow.
I've been waiting for sleep to offer up the deep with both hands.

the best solution

Coin-operated boy,
all the other real ones that I destroy
cannot hold a candle to my new boy and-
I'll never let him go.
And I'll never be alone.
Not with my coin-operated boy.

MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW alskjdl;


...but best mac and cheese EVER was made tonight.

I want.

I am eternally jealous of the beautiful gay couples that seem to be everywhere lately.

Right on.

So do you wanna sit at my table?
My fighting fame is fabled.
And fortune finds me fit and able.

And you do say, oh oh,
that you do pray.
oh, oh-
and you say that you're okay.

If I had to describe the perfect dancer,

I'd show you this video of Lauren Froderman.

She just has so much SOUL.
Plus, there's the whole she's fucking amazing thing too.

She's also a constant reminder to me to not get on my high horse of "I have this person figured out."
I DESPISED LoFro, because I thought she was just another pretty girl like Kherington Payne, good technique but nothing beneath it.
Plus I was pissed she got a spot and Kaitlyn Conley (and Bridget Krouse) didn't. I mean, COME ON.

But she's phenomenal and she won the show. And truthfully even if she didn't have the incredible technique she does, she really does have her own unique way of connecting to each piece she dances. It's fantastic. I'm so impressed every time I watch her.

So bottom line, Lauren Froderman can dance her ass off and if you don't like it when I blog dance then this was of no use to you.

Lindsey Byrnes interviewed by AfterEllen

AE: Is there anything that you want people to know about you as a person, photographer, artist, etc?

LB: That is a great question. Of course there are a million things I want you to know about me, if it means you will like me more. Truthfully, I am just like any other insecure artist-type or human for that matter — I want to be adored and respected.

The Truth

I'm perfectly happy with all that has happened
and I still get laughed at but it doesn't bother me-
I'm just so glad to hear laughter around me.

And I've already spent too much time
doing things I didn't want to.

So if I want to drink alone dressed like a pirate,
Or look like a dyke,
Or wear high heels and lipstick,
Or hide in a convent,
Or try to be mayor,
Or marry a writer,
Smoke crack and slash tires,
Make jokes you don't like,
Or paint ducks and retire,

You can bet your black ass that I'm going to.

Something there's a lot of.

Good, unacknowledged music.
Here's an example.

Lila Burns- Lovesong


Dreams are only dreams
if you keep them that way.
And shooting stars can't
tell you what to say.
How long will you wait for "someday"?
How long will you wait for "someday"?

Dreams. There's a lot of those too.

This is perfect.

This is the piece I would've choreographed to this song, but I didn't.
Genius.

Linda Holmes on Taylor Swift

"The spectacle of an insanely wealthy 20-year-old singer using the phrase 'who you are is not what you did' to describe not a reformed criminal or a family member who grievously erred and must be forgiven," NPR's Linda Holmes wrote. "[B]ut to describe someone she doesn't really know whose only misdeed is rudeness at an awards show is just jaw-droppingly self-involved, and adding 'you're still an innocent,' with its implications of purity, borders on the creepy. Moreover, this entire attempt to psychoanalyze someone who's essentially a stranger, trying to find the internal pain that leads to every incident of acting out in public, suggests she doesn't yet know how being drunk works."

zing.

I'm getting dermal piercings

because I'm a rebellious teenager.


...and kind of because Annika encouraged me.

I'm going to major in Archaeology,

someone please kill me now.

and

I'm never quite sure if you're serious or just playing with me.

HAHA.

On another note,
this is becoming frustrating.

God, this woman is inspiring.

"And you said- 'All the money in the world won't buy a bed,
so big and wide to guarantee that I won't accidentally touch you in the night.'
I said, 'I guess that's right.' "

Brilliance.

Amanda Palmer's "Bed Song".

Click me.

Your feathers are gone- you'll never fly.

18.

I had the best birthday ever.
The people in my life are the most wonderful in the world.
And honestly I need no one else.

I got this done with one of the best friends I've made up here.
My dad loved it.
And I had dinner with my incredible friends that live here.
I love Boone so much, and it couldn't be more perfect.

"Don't do it,

...because you know what's going to happen."

Oh, Boone.

I always think it's interesting to think about other people's takes on my personality.
Apparently you think I have the potential to be incredibly angry over nothing.
I find this kind of humorous.
Not that I'm without faults, but yeesh.
It'd take a really, really off person to anonymously say incredibly inflammatory things and then openly point out the anger and hate in said statements.
I mean I can have my moments of anger and meanness like any other human being.
(Not that I've ever shown a second of that to you, I don't think.)
But, come on.
This kind of makes me wonder what sort of impression you have of me.

...
and seriously, I didn't even watch it.

Home and leaving it.

So far I've harbored I kind of general disdain for the process of moving from my hometown to college.
Why, you ask?
It's not how much I'll miss everyone or thing that I've invested my time and love into for the past few years (though it's true that I will).
It's not because I'll miss my bed, or my dog, or my mom.
It's not even because I have the same dull sense of fear of the unknown lurking in the back of my head that everyone else continuing into their first year of college does (though it's true that I do).

It's because I'm just so entirely and unequivocally bad at goodbyes.
I can never seem to wrap my head around the fact that this is the last time I might see the person standing in front of me for a while.
And even if I could, what am I supposed to say?
"Yeah, I know that we've been thick as thieves and closer than cousins for the past couple of years, have more shared memories than space on a hard drive and know each other's parents better than our own distant relatives, but peace. It's been real." ?

...yeah, no.

Am I supposed to cry?
I'm just not a cryer.
I feel like just saying "goodbye" is insufficient.

So generally I do what I do best and I avoid things like a possum in the road at night (which has a very literal meaning for me, but that's another story.)
I just start to calculate as hard as I can in my mind "When, exactly, will I see this person again?"
And instead of thinking of some profound goodbye, I just promise to see or speak to them soon, or attend their cousin's-uncle's-mother's get together, etc. and then I walk away, putting off the actual parting to a later date.

Because honestly, that's just so much easier to do.

Moats and boats and waterfalls,
alleyways and pay phone calls,
I've been everywhere with you.

We laugh until we think we'll die,
barefoot on a summer night,
nothin' new is sweeter than with you.

Home, let me go home.
Home is wherever I'm with you.

"If your life had a face, I would punch it."

and it's like ooohhhh,

Round and round and round we go,
will you ever know?


It's always so interesting.


Ridin' some roller coasters tomorrow!

No matter where I am, or how much I love it there,

I will always love the beach more.

We went to the aquarium today,

fish
fish
fish.

Swimmin' around in a little tank. There was a Komodo dragon, too.

Also, after 18 years of mishaps, lost paperwork, and closed offices, I finally have a military ID.

You said "It's more than blood that beats between my heart, my hands, my feet- stuck between my tongue and my teeth."
We don't know,
so we wait for tomorrow.
We don't know,
so we wait for tomorrow.
We don't know,
so we only go forward.

I was going to re-post lyrics to "Sway",
but why?
Today's a new day.
Out with the old and in with new ways.

(I would like to point out that that was very nicely rhymed.)

speak up.

Right on!
A class act president, you are my boss.
I am competent in your eyes.
And they yell, "Move up!"
Don't stand back here and wait like an animal at a farmer's gate.
Am I food or am I free?

I don't think;

that frustrated quite covers it.

every little bit

the bag that holds everything.

Because...why not?




What's in my bag 8/6/10
Usually I just carry my wallet, keys and phone with me. But when I actually have my bag, I have;
-Giant Green Versace; Holds everything and more. Birthday gift from my lovely grandmother.
-Black Moleskine Planner; Plus a pen. I have to write down when and where I have something to do or I absolutely forget.
-Teal correction notebook by EcoSystem;My dance studio uses these for class, but I've also taken to writing down assorted blocking and choreography in this.
-Prayer beads; I made these at Montreat as an activity in the spirituality center.
-Anchor necklace; I always have some sort of anchor with or on me. My dad was in the navy for 20 years, they're his business logo, etc. They're kind of my "thing" as pretentious as that sounds.
-Black clip; For clipping my hair and/or looking like Suzanne Somers on Step by Step.
-Wallet/clutch thing; Because it's good to know where your money's at when you roll like me. Also, I like it because it's big enough to hold my chapstick.
-Orange Sapphire lotion; It smells so good. And my legs get really dry.
-iPod and Headphones; For when I want to wear hooded sweatshirts and drown out the world while I aimlessly walk around the city at night. But really I just plug my iPod into my car, so I keep it in my bag.
-Pink Umbrella; I've been to the mountains a lot this summer. I'm going to school in the mountains this fall. I need an umbrella.
-Gold bracelet cuff from Lucky Penny in Boone; It's oddly shaped and fits my wrist really awkwardly, but it looks cool.
-Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann; I bought this in the mountains because I didn't have a book. I love it so far.
-Dental Floss; Because my swag don't stop.
-Cellular Device; Which would normally be pictured with its charger, since it doesn't function correctly and can't hold a charge.
-assorted make-up products; Which there would be more of, placed in a case if I hadn't left the entirety of my make-up in Black Mountain.
-Mac Brush set; A gift from my aunt a while back. Handy because you never know when you're going to have to cover up your friends' hickeys. Hahah, I'm only joking. No, but really.
-Cortex ProSeries 10CIB curling iron; The love of my life. It's made of magic.


There you are. I hope I've sufficiently occupied the boring afternoon I'm sure you're having if you're actually reading this (:

I have blogged entirely too much today.

"Those who saw him hushed. On Church Street. Liberty. Cortlandt. West Street. Fulton. Vesey. It was a silence that heard itself, awful and beautiful."

My blog is not a fun one.

I don't blog about the latest fashions, or nice pictures I find.
I don't blog about art.
I don't even blog about my life most of the time.
I throw you a couple of song lyrics that usually are just what's stuck in my head.
It's boring,


oh well.

Oh, don't.

I'd write about Montreat, but I'm going BACK tomorrow to visit Brittany.
Later I'm sure I'll write about it all at once.

Maybe.

Possibly.

...hopefully.


That means no
where I come from.
I am cold, out waiting for the day to come.

I chew my lips and I scratch my nose,
feels so good to be a rose.

Oh don't, don't you lift me up.
Like I'm that shy, no no no no no,
just give it up.

some songs are only good acoustic.

Like this one.

So rest assured I have the key to every opening.
To every wishing well that's deep enough to dream.
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is,
when earth collides with all the space between.

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before.
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore.
I may be some sort of crazy,
We may be some sort of crazy.

Goals

I'm sure I'll write something about Montreat eventually, but right now I don't have the mental capacity to.
It was wonderful.

My demons waltz with me.
They beg me not to leave them alone.

You don't know how you met me.
You don't know why, you can't turn around and say goodbye.
All you know is when I'm with you, I make you free.
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea.

Fool.

All the ghosts of the grandmothers
have been haunting me in my living room.
And I am pagan in my pondering,
wondering where it is I will go,
if I don't go here.

And the streets are full of beggars,
bragging threats of misdemeanors,
and I am shirtless in my offering
to be more than what you want from me.

Say it ain't so,
say it ain't so.

All the creatures in their masks and capes
are growing restless under costume make up.
And I am wise to what we're doing here,
but I'm a fool, standing naked and dressed as myself.

Say it ain't so,
say it ain't so.

I will keep my eyes shut.
I will, I will.
I will build a time machine,
traveling back to kings and queens.
Changing all the course of history,
so these things I've done won't make a fool out of me.

Well the children at the swimming pool
offer their bare skin to the afternoon.
And in the courtyard birds are caroling,
in the fountains that men made for them.

Say it ain't so,
say it ain't so.

Say it ain't,
Say it ain't so.

That I am cursed and insignificant,
thinking all the world revolves around me.



If you made it through all that, I'd like to hear from you sometime.

Second star to the right,

and straight on till morning.


Come see Winston Salem/Forsyth County Schools Summer Enrichment's presentation of Peter Pan.
Reynolds Auditorium
July 22, 23 @ 7PM
July 24 @ 2PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKovLiYFT8c

so,

You have a dick,
get off mine.

Stop blowing up my phone.

worth watching.

You have broken me, all the way down.
Down upon my knees.
(and)You have broken me, all the way now.

You'll be the last, you'll see.

(and) Some fight you gave,
when I pushed you away,
from me.

(and)In the morning,
when you turn in,
I'll be far to sea.

(and) You have broken me, all the way down.
you'll be the last, you'll see.

(and) What chance have we got?
When you missed every shot,
from me.

(and) In the morning,
when you turn in,
I'll be out of reach.

(and) In the darkness,
when you find this,
I'll be far to sea.

(and) You have broken me, all the way down.

You'll be the last, you'll see

it's just that,

I can't find my phone.
I'm antsy.
I can't sleep.

and you're...

stupid.

Night, lift up the shades.
Let in the brilliant light of morning.
But steady me now,
for I am weak and starving for mercy.
Sleep has left me alone
to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong.
It's all I can do to hang on,
to keep me from falling into old familiar shoes.

Stars

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave.
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave.
I'm not sorry I met you.
I'm not sorry it's over.
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say.

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say.

I'm sorry that most of my blogging has become random song lyrics. I hope you at least look up the songs and enjoy them. Also, I'm really, really sad about the fact that Melissa and Tammy Etheridge are getting a divorce.

I miss talking to you.

sometimes I wonder,

where did all the great music go?

s i d e w a y s

These feelings won't go away-
they've been knockin' me sideways.
I keep thinking in a moment that time will take them away,
but these feelings won't go away.

Giving it up.

Your sword's grown old and rusty,
burnt beneath the rising sun.
It's locked up like a trophy,
forgetting all the things it's done.

And though it's been a long time,
you're right back where you started from.

Oy.

People hatin' on people, who hate people.


I bet you think we didn’t know
Didn’t even see the tides change
But it’s a small, small world, girl
Getting even smaller every day

Books and Crooks

"Henry had written a novel because there was a hole in him that needed filling, a question that needed answering, a patch of canvas that needed painting- that blend of anxiety, curiosity and joy that is at the origin of art- and he had filled the hole, answered the question, splashed colour on the canvas, all done for himself, because he had to." -Yann Martel, Beatrice and Virgil

Stress.

I dreamed last night that my teeth were falling out.
Awesome.

It's just the thought of you in love with someone else.
It breaks my heart to see you hangin' from your shelf.
Oh girl, when I'm in love with you,
Keep fishin' if you feel it's true.
There's nothing much that we could do to save you from yourself.

ah,

I was going to write paragraphs about my theater teacher having her baby and how life is so inspiring, etc. but I am honestly too tired and too worried about the facts that;
a) I need a roommate.
b) Our advanced theater showcase is on Thursday which I have to make happen due to the fact that I'm directing our class one act, and the fact that OUR THEATER TEACHER JUST HAD A BABY.
c) Our awards show for the theater department is on Friday. Which I also have to make happen. See above.
d) the AP Lit exam is on thursday.
I need a roommate.
I can't deal with not knowing where/with whom I'm living next year.
I like certainty.

I get pathetic when you're involved.
I have no games,
no "swagger",
no mysterious appeal.
Just big, blundering, lame,
me.

I never know if you're talking about me,
or someone else.
And I really shouldn't care one bit.

Part of me doesn't.

It's really just best if I pull a Gail Hightower and stay uninvolved.
(Yeah, that was a Faulkner reference).

AP Lit exam.
So soon.
Someone please kill me now.

Don't.

Don't stray,
Don't ever go away.
I should be much too smart for this-
You know it gets the better of me.
sometimes, when you and I collide,
I fall into an ocean of you-
pull me out in time,
don't let me drown.
Let me down.
I'll say, "It's all because of you".

And here I go,
losing my control.
Practicing your name so I can say it to your face.
It doesn't seem right to look you in the eye,
and let all the things you mean to me come tumbling out of my mouth.
Indeed, it's time.
Tell you why- I'll say, "It's infinitely true".

Say you'll stay.
Don't come and go, like you do.
Sway my way.
Yeah, I need to know all about you.

And there's no cure.
And no way to be sure why everything's turned inside out.
We're still in so much doubt.
It makes me so tired.
I feel so uninspired.
My head is battling with my heart;
my logic has been torn apart.
And now it all turns sour,
'cause we sing every afternoon.

The Date

Today one of my teachers asked me what day it was,
and I responded, "June 12th".

People moving, all the time, inside a perfectly straight line.
Don't you wanna just curve away?

something old.

Here's something random that was in my journal from a while ago, when I had killer insomnia.

Days
Feel impossible, as if they will never come.
Bring me a horizon that doesn't taunt me,
Send me stars that will not mock me,
as I rock
over a tide that tugs deeper at my toes than love has touched my heart.
Bring me, days,
a way to make me
New


[/emo]

Hey.

1. I am not anything that you think I am.
2. If you disliked me, or anything that I stand for merely because of your incorrect impression of me- go away.
3. Stop excusing unnecessary zeal by saying you're doing what "God told you to do." Considering that the last time the Bible says God came down and spoke to man was 1,000 years ago through Jesus Christ.

...

I am currently sitting on my bed listening to GaGa and coloring the "Color Your Own Abstract Art Masterpiece" coloring book Stephanie brought me back from MoMA. My roommate owns.

This beats AP Lit assignments any day.

My most listened as of now.

On the note of passing along good music, art, etc. which this blog was intended to do...

Here are my five favorite albums in the alternative/indie/acoustic/whatever-genre-it-even-is-that-i-listen-to-these-days-anyway genre that I can't stop listening to right now. I'd like to pass them along to you;

5. Julia Nunes- I Wrote These

Definitely worth listening to if you're interested in the whole ukulele deal. Also, she's hilarious. You can visit her youtube channel here.

4. Bon Iver- For Emma, Forever Ago

Beautifully simple lyrics and sweeeet harmonies. Also, the amount of flannel Justin Vernon wears makes me feel like I'm in a log cabin somewhere. You can check out their performance on 'The Late Show' here.

3. Pomplamoose- Videosongs

A really unique sound with a near retro quality; they're worth listening to. You can watch their video songs, as well as find the link to buy their album here.

2. Reverie Sound Revue- Reverie Sound Revue EP

When a band breaks up and someone still recommends them you know it means something. I mean you don't see many people telling you to pick up Creed's last album do you? I love their sound. They're actually back together now and released an album in June. I'm crazy addicted to their song One Marathon.

1. Tegan and Sara- Sainthood, The Con, So Jealous

Did I seriously just recommend three different albums by the same artist? Yes, yes I did. I'm a little obsessed and I'm not ashamed to admit it. They are brilliant and you're seriously doing yourself a disservice if you don't listen to them NOW.

I hope your boredom was resolved by my humble efforts (:

uhh...

I hope
I hope your heart is broken someday
I hope you think this is about you
I hope you're so vain
I hope she doesn't hurt you
I hope you're enjoying this
I hope that you're happy, honestly
I hope you don't read this
I hope you do read this
I hope this goes okay
I hope I never do this again
I hope these words will make sense someday
I hope I see you again
I hope you'll call
I hope that one day, I'll stop hoping
I hope you breathe in the air and smell everything that means something to you
I hope your heart is broken someday, seriously, into a million little pieces
I hope that one day, you'll know.

Been there, done that, messed around.
I'm having fun, don't put me down.
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet.
I won't let you in again.
The messages I've tried to send;
My information's just not going in.
Burning bridges, shore to shore.
I break away from something more.
I'm not to, not to love until it's cheap.
Been there, done that, messed around.
I'm having fun, don't put me down.
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet.

This time, maybe, I'll be
Bulletproof.

Either vs. Or

Either I completely repulse you,
or other people are suddenly magnetized to your life every time I'm in it for any short amount of time.

Either way,
this is never happening again.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

or if you want to go with the George W. Bush version;
"Fool me once shame on...wait...fool me...well, fool me you can't get fooled again."

Call it Off

I don't think I'm ever going to get over how good "The Con" by Tegan and Sara is.
From the day it was released to two years later, I'm addicted.

I won't regret saying this,
this thing that I'm saying.
Is it better than
keeping my mouth shut?
That goes without saying.
Call, break, it off.
Call, break, my own heart.
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at.
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at.
But now we'll never know,
I won't be sad, but in case,
I'll go there.
Everyday,
To make myself feel bad.
There's a chance I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do.
I won't be out long but I still think it better if,
You take your time coming over here-
I think that's for the best.
Call, break, it off.
Call, break, my own heart.
Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at.
Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at.
But now we'll never know,
I won't be sad, but in case,
I'll go there.
Everyday,
To make myself feel bad.
There's a chance I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do.

There's a chance I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do.
(Tegan Quin)

Correctin'.

"I've got wish I had a cure.
I've got wish I had the cure for you."

scrubbin'.

"I've got a cure.
I've got the cure for you."

fragments

life. mistakes. sometimes. still not the right time. tegan and sara binge. optimistic. just haven't met the right girl yet. it's pretty decent. don't want to date you. definitely don't want to date you. still not the right girl. friends, still? i shouldn't have done that in the first place. sometimes. gotta try to know how you feel. don't want anything from you. your friendship. my fragments don't make sense. when I tried to type 'make' I typed 'want'. Freudian slip. or something like it. sunshine's nice. clingy. am I clingy? no. hell no. bad place again. oops. that's my bad this time. maybe someday. life. this was a dumb exercise.

"Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I."

I'll meet my "you" someday.

I play Taylor Swift songs now?

I feel clingy.
I'm not. I promise. I just don't really know what to do, or what I want, or what you want...so I'm trying to figure it out.
I'm not even sure that I like this at all for me right now.

And on a happier note...
I re-strung my Ukulele last night, all by myself.
I thought it was going to be really difficult and that I would probably mess it up in some way, but I didn't.
Re-stringing/Taylor Swift cover for Brittany: Success.
I'd write more about Ace but I feel like I go on and on about it because I love it so much, so I certainly won't do that right now.
I will say, though, that I am most certainly NOT making gift bags for the other starters and our coaches right now.
I am also NOT planning on writing a funny song about English Ace to get everyone pumped up tomorrow.
And we are DEFINITELY not in semi finals tomorrow, and I'm NOT excited.
And we most certainly do not refer to starters as [Scottish accent]LETNER!, Melody 'Olive Branch' Ip, Ducky Low, and J-bad.
And we surely don't love this a little bit more than it's healthy to.

I wish there were more shakespeare nerds in the world.

...and by the world I mean Clemmons.
I've been labeling the date all day as "the ides of march" rather than 3/15/10.
I don't think anyone besides Ashley, Lee, and Mrs. Wood understood why I did that.
Also, English Ace is an epic win. Here's why:

Ip:"Crap...who wrote that?"
Letner:"uh...Judy Blume? No...Spinelli!"
Low:"Cool...How do you spell that?"
Letner:"Spinelli!"
Low:"Yes, but how do you spell it?!"
Letner:"JUST SAY SPINELLI."

Low:"Nick Carroway."
Ip:"No, Jay Gatsby."
Letner:"It's Nick Carroway. I promise."
Badorrek:"NO, It's Gatsby."
Ip:"GATSBY."
Low:"IT'S NICK CARROWAY!"
Letner:"Guys, we're going to win anyway. Say Nick."
Badorrek:"NO!"
Ip: "SERIOUSLY. IT'S GATSBY."
Letner:"JUST SAY STUART EGAN."
Low:"We have our answers. For part A, we have Stuart Egan."

Moderator: "Please answer the following questions about Homer's The Odyssey. A) Who is the protagonist? B)What was his bed made of? C)What war was the protagonist returning from?
Low:"Okay so A) Odysseus, and C) The Trojan war. What about B?"
Letner:"Uh, I know this...some sort of a tree?"
Ip:"Yeah!...but what kind?"
Low:"I'll just say tree."
Low:"For part A, we have Odysseus. For part B, a tree. For part C, the Trojan war."
Moderator: "Could you be more specific on B?"
Letner:"Fuck."
Low:"Damn it, I knew she was going to ask that."
Letner:"uh...Oak?"
Ip:"Shit, what kind of trees are there? Um, Pine? No...they're in Greece...there are olives there...Olive?"
Low:"Sure, why not?"
Low:"For part B, we have Olive?
Moderator:"You have three parts correct for twelve points."
Letner:"...well damn."

Moderator:"Please answer the following questions about Charles Dickens' Great Expectations. A)Who is the protagonist? B)Who is the protagonist's ultimate benefactor? C)What is the protagonist's expected proffesion?"
Low:"Okay so, A, Pip. B...?"
Ip:"Magwitch."
Low:"What about C? Kelli?"
Letner:"Shit, I don't know. A pick pocket? Wasn't there something about him learning to pick pocket?"
Low:"I think he was supposed to be a sheep farmer? Wasn't there a sheep farm in there? There definitely was."
Letner:"A what?"
Ip:"Melissa, he was NOT a sheep farmer."
Low:"Then what do I put?"
Letner:"Please, sur, can I has some more?"
Ip:"Oh geez, I don't know."
Ip:"A pirate. Just say a pirate."
Low:"But...!"
Moderator:"Time."
Low:"uh...for part A, we have Pip. For part B, Magwitch. And for C...uh...A pirate."
Moderator:"You have two parts correct for a total of eight points. For part C, we were looking for 'a common laborer.'"
Low, Letner, Ip:"...Oh."

Moderator:"Next toss up. Who wrote the novel Push?"
Letner:"Sapphire."
Moderator:"That is correct."
Low:"PRECIOUSSSS."
Moderator:"Yes, West?"
Low:"Nothing."

[Written to each other]
Low:Sorry about the Gatsby question, I thought she said Narrator.
Ip:Narrator≠Proatgonist
Letner:We still won.
Low:Yes, but you could argue that Nick is the protagonist.
Ip:But he's not!
Letner:We still won

here.

Here on my limb,
I post mark the leaves so that when they fall,
you'll know where they came from.

I watch the tops of the heads of dizzied passers by while they swoon.
and my leaves fall floatingly,
down, down, down.

I am above all conjunction,
my dazed-crazy head is too great a lover for traffic lights,
cars,
commotion.

I scoop my heart up next to my knees,
and breathe in the altitude of being too far,
but just close enough.

And I wait for someone
to look up.

Someday

They yell, "Right on!"
A class-act president,
you are my boss; I am competent in your eyes.
Move up.
Don't stand back here and wait
like an animal at a farmers gate-
am I food or am I free?
So, speak up.
This is your last chance, my friend,
roll the windows down and take me in.
Reach out-
say what you're really about.
Are you coming here or not?
Are you coming out?

Might paint something I might want to hang here someday.
Might write something I might want to say to you someday.
Might do something I'll be proud of someday.
Mark my words, I might be something someday.

I don't want to know that you don't want me.
I don't want to know what you'd do without me.
I don't want to know what I'd be without you.
I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know.

(If you don't love Tegan and Sara- I don't love you.)
...
(The above statement is complete hyperbole.)

whoops

I wish my artistic abilities were existent.

My life is a bad Bon Jovi song.

I keep coming back here, and thinking of this song.

Lay your head on my pillow,
I'll sit beside you on the bed.
Don't you think its time we say
Some things we haven't said?
It's not too late to get back to that place,
Back to where we thought it was before.
Why don't you look at me
Till we ain't strangers anymore?

Sometimes it's hard to love me,
Sometimes it's hard to love you too.
I know it's hard believing
That love can pull us through.
It would be so easy
To live your life with one foot out the door.
Just hold me baby,
Till we ain't strangers anymore.

It's hard to find forgiveness
When we just turn out the light.
It's hard to say you're sorry
When you can't tell wrong from right.
It would be so easy
To spend your whole damn life
Just keeping score.
So let's get down to it baby;
There ain't no need to lie.

Tell me who you think you see
When you look into my eyes.
Lets put our two hearts back together,
And we'll leave the broken pieces on the floor.

ah, formspring and its evils.

an·o·nym·i·ty (ān'ə-nĭm'ĭ-tē) noun.

1.The quality or state of being unknown or unacknowledged.
2.One that is unknown or unacknowledged.
3.a tool that when used on http://www.formspring.me/ sprouts hate and malevolent behavior. This tool is also completely useless if it is completely obvious who you are.

ah.

hard-hearted don't worry- I'm ready for the fight.
Unnerve, the nerve.
You're nervous,
nervous that I'm right.
Now, with your cause and affection on my mind,
I won't yield, throw caution into the blaze.
Now you know you know it now and so,
watch.
with a little friction,
I'll be under your clothes.
with a little focus,
I'll be under your skin.

Character Sketch

Why is it that I always write on this thing when I have something more important to be doing? I suppose it's because I avoid spilling my thoughts until it's absolutely necessary. It's too much work and too much to deal with to crack open the week's stress and reflections. I'm generally far too lazy for that and I avoid it at all cost. Unless, of course, I'm avoiding doing the only thing I tend to avoid more- school related assignments. You see, right now I should be writing a character sketch for Once Upon a Mattress. Don't get me wrong- I'm really excited, and I'm all over doing it, but something's been nagging at me since I sat down to write it.
I love the classic story of the princess and the pea, and I've been obsessed with it ever since I was cast as the princess in a modern musical adaptation. But somehow, it seems a little disheartening. Not only does the princess only meet her prince because she's devastatingly lost in a storm, but she also has to deal with his crazy mother who insists that she prove herself before she can marry the man she loves. See apparently prince whats-his-name had been waiting on the right girl for years, but when she finally shows up at his castle (without any effort on his part I might add) he is forbidden to marry her until she passes a test. A test that is completely impossible. I mean his crazy mother places one pea under twenty hugely stuffed downy mattresses. Now we arrive at the most fantastical part- she feels the pea! She feels the pea and earns her right to marry the prince.
A sweet story.
But there are a few things that make me feel a little discouraged. For starters, this girl shows up one night out of the blue and BOOM. Her and the prince are head over heels. And to go further, she has to prove herself to marry him. I mean he couldn't just stand up to his mother and be like "Look, lady, you're insane. I'm what, 24 now? I mean I can legally buy alcohol and vote and I like this girl so enough with it already." I mean that sucks. I dunno that I'd want to marry a guy that made me pass a test to marry him. I'd feel a little better about this story if it'd happened the other way.
The point I'm getting to here is that we all hope for something. We all hope that we're going to meet the perfect partner, and that that person is going to push everything aside for us. We expect, in the age in which we live, that we're going to meet stand-up people that meet our needs and listen and come home that extra hour early just because we asked them to. But, it doesn't happen that way. We're all guilty of it. If at all possible, we bend to the wills of everyone in our lives, not just that special someone's. Even putting our own needs before theirs. If we were the prince in the princess and the pea we'd say "look, babe, I really like you. I do. I want this to work out, but she's my mother. so just do this little test for me, okay? you're a princess it shouldn't be a problem." I mean everything in life doesn't work out romantic-comedy style. Actually, few things do. So maybe it would just make me feel a little better if at least in the fairytales I read, things did.

I don't sleep...

I have an extremely odd sense of humor. It's not completely bizarre, but it's not a sugary batch of knock knock jokes either. I find that the people that make me laugh hardest don't just agree with my sense of humor, but have a sense of humor that is out of my comfort zone. It's extremely witty. I have to think to get the jokes (imagine that, thinking?!). Most importantly, I really really appreciate comedy that is completely out there, and original to the person that creates it.
That being said.
I find it completely necessary to share with you the Natalie Portman Rap.
I was talking with Ashley Hayes about how this is kind of the test of "I will definitely like your sense of humor if you find this funny."
This is an SNL classic, and Portman is hysterical.
I also love her in Garden State, and V for Vendetta. In my opinion, two of the top 100 movies of the past decade.


Explicitly hilarious.
I never fail to laugh at this.
Goooodnightttt.

P.S.
Anyone know where I can buy darts in winston salem?

blue lips, blue veins, blue- the color of our planet from far, far away.

It is 1:15 and I just finished a major English assignment. Procrastination.
We had an essay prompt in English this week, a satire, about upper class English society in 1712. The people that scored the highest on the essay pointed out how absolutely mundane the writer made his character sound. How pathetic he was. How even his dreams were extremely bland.

We spend our lives chasing things. Chasing love. Chasing a "better" life. Chasing standards.

And for...?

We chase love and we end up driving hours only to stand outside the apartment of the person we're desperate for, pounding on the door in the freezing cold. In the ideal world- the one we're chasing so hard after- the person opens the door and we fall, dizzy and droopy-eyed into the their arms and their good graces. But in the real, cold world we stand outside that apartment. Our fist heavy and hurting from pounding on the door and our heart sore from pounding its own beat out even harder.

And why?

Because someone told us when we were little to grow up, get married, and have nice things. So we chase. and we chase. and we close our eyes to sleep at night hoping that our dreams will bring us a few miles closer to that finish line.

And if we don't wake?

What if our prayers are the last we ever say? What if we never pray at all that night? And if we don't believe in God, what if we don't answer that last text message?
A really sweet boy at my school died two nights ago in his sleep. Just like that. A few moments and he was taken from everyone that loved him.
So I have to ask myself when horrible, horrible things like this happen,
do I really want to spend every waking moment chasing a mundane life that I think someone once told me I wanted, but I can't remember because it was so long ago, and who can really have ideals when they're a child and
ANYWAY
what if my last moments are spent doing an MWDS at 1:00 in the morning?
sometimes I know that it's idealistic to think like this. I know that I can't base life on what ifs.
So I deal.
and I take what I'm dealt.
and I play my cards and hope no one laughs at the cliche and slight Lady Gaga reference I'm writing right now.
'cause that's all I've got.
Now if only I could bring myself to annotate.

subject to change.

I want to preface this with a quote.

"I don't get people that blog. I just don't understand it."

Someone said this to me the other day. He was talking about how self absorbed and pretentious a lot of people tend to get when they blog, and I agree. So I'm going to start this off by saying if you're looking for that giddy feeling you get when you read blogs like you're sneaking a peek at someone's diary- you're in the wrong place. I'm going to be mostly rambling and linking to random and obscure music and other things. I will keep the self absorption to a minimum.

That being said.

It's 12:00 and I'm supposed to be doing a poetry response. I can't get around to it, and I'm thinking of how much more promising the prospect of writing an essay on a poem would be if I were responding to poetry that I actually enjoyed. I constantly listen to both Andrea Gibson and Glenis Redmond in my car. They both are excellent in the way they form words to create not only art, but a message. I keep running across friends that have never heard of Gibson and subsequently forcing them to listen to "Dive". I told Haley Walter that if everyone listened to it just once, the world would be a better place. Maybe this is idealistic. Maybe it is dramatic. Maybe it is both. I digress. Either way, the way Gibson crafts her words will really work its way into your ribcage and pull at your heartstrings. So please enjoy; I'll link you up and you can hear some incredible lyric action while I'm writing about blackberries in the wilderness or whatever Hargrave has decided would be best this week.



also, check out Glenis Redmond if you're looking for something with a little more soul.